The Supporting Role: A Husband's Perspective

As Maggie's husband, primary carer and chief "blogmaster" of Maggie's Miracle, I am delighted to have been invited to make my first blog post. My wife insists that people want to hear my story and so she set me this assignment. Her brief was simply that I should talk from the heart, which is not easy for us Brits. But I will do my best to give you an honest and personal account of our journey together so far.

I have always loved TV hospital dramas. Growing up in the UK, I was an avid fan of the BBC shows Casualty and Holby City. For American readers, I suppose an equivalent show would be ER, which I actually have no interest in watching. Maybe it's because British TV is infinitely superior to the endless drivel of commercials that passes for American TV, or maybe it's because I now find myself playing a supporting role in my very own hospital drama!

The Cast Of BBC's Casualty

In 2009, I moved from London to Chicago for what was meant to be a one year transfer to my company's head office. I never could have predicted the path that my life would take next. Maggie and I found each other online through Match.com, and after much conversing back and forth we finally decided to meet in person. The venue was Wise Fools Pub, a dark and dingy student bar in Chicago's Lincoln Park neighborhood. It was not my choice for a first date, I can assure you, but I later discovered that Maggie lived barely 100 yards away from the bar and it all made sense. That's my girl!

During the course of our 7 hour date, Maggie said she had something very important to tell me. Shortly after arriving at a second bar (because the first one had closed, yes it was that late!), it went something like this :

"So ... umm ... I have Cystic Fibrosis. It's a genetic lung disease and I'm going to give you 3 options. (1) You can ask a question, (2) you can change the subject or (3) you can walk out the door right now."

Wow. I had not been expecting this from Match.com! I already knew someone in the UK with CF so I had some insight into the disease. Some people might think I'm crazy for not taking option (3) and running a mile, but even after spending just a few hours together I knew that I had found someone special and I wanted to be a part of her story. I can't remember exactly what I said next (you can drink a lot in 7 hours!), but I'm pretty sure I went with option (1).

Wise Fools Pub, Lincoln Park, Chicago

Fast forward to the present day and we have come a long way since that night. We are now married, we have moved over 2,000 miles from Chicago to California, and most recently we have embarked on this transplant adventure together. It is hugely exciting in many ways. I so badly want Maggie to achieve her dream of taking a full breath, something which most of us take for granted. She says every day is like breathing through a straw, which is hard to imagine. I know she is used to CF at this point, but day after day I see (and hear!) just how much time and energy she devotes to staying alive. She never complains, she just gets on with it, always with a cheerful smile. She is so positive and I find that an inspiration. I love her so much, and I will do whatever I can to give her that breath that she needs.

At the same time, there are some dark moments for me. I feel a whole range of emotions including sadness, frustration, anger and even resentment. I sometimes take things out on Maggie and that is unfair on her. On the one hand, I loathe CF like it's my illegitimate stepchild. On the other hand, CF has made Maggie who she is today and I wouldn't change her for the world. The average life expectancy for someone with CF is just 37 years. That hurts bitterly, this is my wife we are talking about. Lung transplant is not a cure either. It can offer a better quality of life in the short-term, but the average pair of transplanted lungs lasts for only 5 years. I try to remind myself that we are all just temporary residents on this planet. None of us know how long we may be here, or when our time may be up. I know I should live for the present moment and make the most of each and every day, rather than worrying about what might happen in the future. It's easier said than done of course, but I think I'm improving along the way. I must surrender to the process, focus on the here and now, and most importantly have faith that things will work out. I must learn to love and not hold back my emotions for fear of loss. I want to make the most of the time I have with the amazing person that is my wife, no matter how long or short that may be.

I'd like to finish by thanking all of you for your support and good wishes. I don't even know many of you. Hopefully you know me a little better now. We are dealing with each challenge as it comes along, and heaven knows there will be more challenges to come. It means so much to both of us to receive positive comments and support. I hope you enjoyed my first post ... there may be more to come!