Love And Marriage ... And CF

Two months before my wedding, I was in a car returning from a CF event with my pediatric doctor. As our car pulled up in front of her house, she looked at me and said, "I'm not going to wish you luck for your wedding day, I'm going to wish you luck for your marriage." I must have looked perplexed because she went on to say, "The wedding is just one day, your marriage is for the rest of your life. You deserve luck for your entire life, not just one day." Her nuggets of wisdom and advice were what I cherished most about her.

She was right, the wedding was just one day, and a happy, most exciting day at that. We need luck and good thoughts for the rest of our lives.

Marriage is not easy, for any couple. Anybody who says it is easy is lying. A relationship takes work, and a marriage takes a lot of work. It is a constant give and take relationship, and it is not something one jumps into because "everyone else is doing it," even though Hollywood would tell us differently. Marriage does take commitment and a whole lot of compassion.

I love Tom and I love that he is by my side in everything I do. He is my best friend, my confidant, and the person who knows how to push my buttons best. Every moment, heck, every day is not sunshine and roses, but we do the best with the pressures and stress that come our way in life. We do the best, just like any other couple.

CF is not easy to deal with, and I didn't choose it, but I'm married to it as well. Tom hates this the most. He comes second or is constantly in a tie with CF. Treatments dictate our schedules and our lives. Hospital stays disrupt our routine and split us up for periods of time. It is a topic of discussion on a weekly, if not daily basis. It does suck, CF and I are in a marriage that I am not in love with. As much as Tom hates CF, he is also the one holding my hand through all of the stuff I have to do. He takes me to every appointment, stays the night at the hospital when I'm not feeling so independent, and deals with the insurance company when I'm too exasperated to do it myself.

It is what true love is all about, taking the good with the bad, in sickness and in health. Most spouses and significant others who are with a CFer can relate. They love the person and hate the disease.

It's not all hate. Tom is a talented musician and a few years after we met he told me that my cough was very musical, especially when I have a long coughing fit. He sat down at his piano and wrote a song that sounded like my cough. I laugh to this day when he plays it. He took something so ugly and harsh sounding and made it into something fun and silly.

Humor is how we get through our lives. It is our way of coping. Some don't understand the morbid things we say, or the dry humor Tom uses when talking about CF, but we get it and it keeps us sane.

It is no secret that illness or any huge stress can rip marriages and relationships apart. We do the best we can and work on giving and taking each and every day.

I am thankful for the wisdom my pediatric doctor gave me months before my wedding. She gave me something no one else had given me, and that was to remember it's not about the day, it is about the rest of our lives and how we deal with whatever comes our way, together.

It is coming up to our second year anniversary, and I am nothing but grateful for the relationship I do have with my husband. I am thankful for his love, commitment, and strength. He is my person, and I am so grateful for him.