Today marks my 100th day on the transplant list. It's been a while since my last blog post, but I put this down to anxiety and paranoia, my new, unwelcome friends. December was a hard month for me, what with the air quality in California wreaking havoc on my lungs and sinuses, giving me headaches and making me wheeze, and to top it all off I ended the month with a wonderful, snot-filled cold. It was a Christmas present I won't forget.
The last time I blogged, I talked about the need to gain weight. Even though December was rough, I managed to gain eight pounds and maintained a steady if not slightly better lung-function. All of those things are great and should have made me happy, but waiting for lungs has made my brain feel a little out of control. I started isolating myself from social media, which was actually a good thing because reading about all of my other friends and their health issues was just fueling my paranoia. I thought whatever they were going through would happen to me too. To concentrate on my health as my sole job has taken its toll on me. Thinking all day long about treatments, exercise and food has brought me to this downward spiral. However, there have been some mantras that have guided me through this rough patch.
